By Sheryl Aronson, LMFT
Here is what I have observed. As much as we believe that social media and the internet connect us as humans in ways that are dynamic and exciting, in the complete and total opposite direction, it also disconnects and isolates people in ways that can lead to damaging psychological and spiritual casualties. I am not blaming social media, but I am very concerned about where human beings are heading in their ability to connect with one another and themselves internally that can create meaningful relationships of substance.
We have access to information and communication at such a rapid rate now. Just talk into your phone and you can know pretty much anything, just text a friend or message them and you have relayed your thoughts. There is no waiting time. There is no need to be patient or mindful. When we are with other people, we are usually checking our phones to see who else has texted us, to check on what else is happening out there in the world, we are not really with the other person. We have not immersed ourselves in the experience of conversation, of connection, of relaxing and enjoying the moment. We take selfies to document our time together where it always looks like everyone is a shining star and on top of the world.
But how deeply did you connect to your friend or friends? Did you truly spend quality time together before you rushed off to our next selfie experience? Did you remember your conversation? Did you get anything of substance out of your interaction?
How many of us are operating on the surface of life? No time to stop. No time to listen. No time to reflect. No time to share feelings or care about other people’s feelings. No time to be quiet and breathe in the beauty of the world.
With Facebook, we have a multitude of friends (many we’ve never met or have talked to) which gives us a false impression we are connected to other humans. I am always surprised when I do meet a Facebook friend at an event and am ready to have a good conversation with that person, and all I get is a hello and then they move on to whatever is happening next. That has occurred several times. I am left feeling confused and disturbed. It just reinforces my point that there is a very superficial connection between people on social media when one might be believing that there is a deeper more meaningful connection.
Because we are not taking the time to nurture our relationships in ways that have meaning, depth, insight, true connection, I feel people are feeling more and more isolated and empty. The addiction to our phones, the addiction to communicating through texting and messenger, the addiction to selfies, are leading us to places we all have to question. How many of you actually have phone conversations when you want to talk to a friend and spend a good amount of time chatting? How many of you can put your phone aside when meeting with a friend and converse heart to heart without checking your messages? How many of you can shut your phone off and just be in the world observing it, breathing in your life as it exists in that moment? How many of you take the time to reach out to your friends without a text, without messaging, and find out how they are doing? Then spend time together discussing what truly matters? How many of you sometimes feel so alone and disconnected from others and yourself and don’t know why?
Here’s what I know. I refuse to communicate through texting unless it is a short message telling someone I will meet them or check in if someone has received an article I have sent or some business communication. Otherwise, I am not communicating anything of significance by texting. Not my feelings, not my thoughts, never. The same with using messenger on Facebook. I am not carrying on interpersonal relationships with those devices. If you do not have the wherewithal to communicate person to person, by phone, by writing an email, by meeting face to face… what’s the point? Sure, we can be Facebook friends and I will like your posts… I benefit from seeing what others are doing out there in the world and are happy for people’s successes. But I am talking about real relationships that matter. That gives us value, and love, and true connection to others. I feel very strongly about this. I refuse to fall into the trap of superficiality and being too busy to connect with others and with myself.
It can be very lonely in this world of social media (ironically) and it can be very disconcerting when you find yourself feeling that it scares you to put the phone down and find out what your life is truly about… how connected are you really to people without it? How connected are you to yourself?
Take the time to find out.
If anyone would like to talk with me further, please contact me.
~Sheryl Aronson, LMFT